Many Adventures of Eaglethorpe Buxton by Allison Wesley

Author:Allison, Wesley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: humor, fantasy, werewolf, elf, sorcery, sword

Chapter Twenty: In which I save the world from zombies and some other minor things happen to tie up the loose ends of the story.

I ran down the alley, and every zombie within the sound of my shout, which is to say all of them, followed after me. Zombies can’t resist a big juicy brain, especially one that can perform geometric calculations, solve quadratic equations, or conjugate verbs in a foreign language, none of which I can actually do, but zombies are perhaps not as discerning as they should be. I darted this way and that, easily outpacing the decaying monsters. They were slow but came on inexorably, which is to say unrelentingly or inevitably or remorselessly, or in this case all three.

I rounded another corner and came face to face with the end of the alley. It was a dead end, which would have been ironic had I been chased by living things, but as I was being chased by dead things, it was just sort of poetic. I turned around and the zombies continued toward me, just as inexorable and unrelenting and inevitable and remorseless as before.

Glancing to my right, I saw a door. It wasn’t just any door either. It was the back door to the fine public bath that I had previously visited, which is to say in chapter four and five. Yanking it open, I ran inside just ahead of the grey-fleshed fiends. Beyond the door was a long but narrow storage room with another door on the other side. I raced through this second door to find myself in the enormous cool bathing room. It was so early that there were no customers as yet. The only person present was the boy who had given me a back massage, Lespie by name.

“Quick!” I shouted as I walked quickly around the side of the pool—walked because running near the pool was strictly prohibited. “Bolt those side doors then move these lounges to block the sides of the pool.”

“Ack! Zombies!” he cried.

“Even so. Now do as I said. I want to force these zombies into the water.”

He did as directed, blockading one side of the pool with lounge chairs while I did the same thing on the other side. Then Lespie joined me at the far end of the pool as the zombies began wading across. While they weren’t very impressive as far as swimming was concerned, they were excellent waders.

“Nothing’s happening,” I said.

“What did you expect?”

“I expected some boiling and churning. I expected that the zombies would dissolve, leaving us with something akin to zombie soup.”

“Why would you expect that?” wondered Lespie.

“I was told you used holy water.”

“No, we use wholly water, as in water with nothing added to it.”

“Oh bother,” said I. “Grab those two pitchers of massage oil and follow me.”

Dragging the boy with me, I ran out the front door of the building. Taking one of the large pottery pitchers of oil, I poured the inflammable liquid, which is to say the

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